By Terry Loerch.....because someone had to say it!
In a historic feat of silicone, space suits, and self-importance, the Amazon overlord and his Botox brigade have officially proven what science has long avoided asking......... Can plastic surgery survive space?
Yes, yes it can! (It's a great day for science)
This wasn’t just a rocket launch. Oh no. This was the first fully artificial crew to enter suborbital space without so much as a lip deflation or a cheekbone shift. We watched, some horrified, most curious, as high-G duck lips held strong, and gravity-defying implants laughed in the face of zero gravity.
NASA who?
Let’s talk results.
Not one upper lip imploded.
Not a single cheek filler escaped containment........and by the grace of Dr. 90210, no boobs took an orbital tour of someone else’s seat.
This wasn’t a flight, it was a dermatological triumph, A high-altitude celebration of synthetic resilience. The capsule landed without a wobble, and so did their jawlines.
Inside sources (probably a wax figure with WiFi) confirmed that the mission was a secret collaboration between Blue Origin and the Kardashian Academy of Advanced Aesthetic Spaceflight.
Their mission: Test the durability of cosmetic enhancements under extreme conditions. The result? Zero migration of fillers. Not even a wrinkle..... Literally.
“Science needed this,” said no scientist ever.
While the rest of us were busy paying rent, these courageous cosmetically-curated cosmonauts gave humanity what it truly needed....... reassurance that the pursuit of vanity can now reach escape velocity.
So here’s to the future, when astronauts are made not from grit and training, but from Botox, boldness, and a really good post-op care team.
Because in the end, if your face can survive a G-force and still smirk smugly for a space selfie, well, darling… you’re not aging, you’re ascending.
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