By Terry Loerch
So here we are, folks. Another chapter in the ever-growing, ever-confusing economics textbook titled: “WTF Is Happening Now?” And today’s lesson? Trump’s tariffs and Little Debbie’s Betrayal.
Let me start by saying this: when Little Debbie shrinks her oatmeal creme pies, the economy is in the ICU. No, seriously, this isn’t just inflation, it’s a hostile takeover of our childhood. I opened that familiar box expecting soft, chewy nostalgia, and instead I got two sad little disks that looked like they went on Ozempic.
Now, we’re not just talking about shrinkflation, we're talking full-on dessert gentrification. Same box. Higher price. Less cookie. It's like they thought, "Hey, you wanted economic policy in action? Enjoy your $4 disappointment, sugarless peasant."
And let's talk tariffs. Apparently, somewhere between raising taxes on imports and yelling at wind turbines, someone thought, "You know what’ll really teach China a lesson? Less creme filling."
Who suffers most from this? The South. The glorious, sweet-loving, porch-sitting, NASCAR-watching, fried-pickle-dipping South. These are folks who grew up on Little Debbie. She was the unofficial 4th cousin at every church potluck. And now? She's gone corporate. She's cut us off. She’s Jenny Craig’d our snacks.
I ran the numbers. With the loss of 30% cookie mass and a 22% price hike, the Little Debbie Index is now more volatile than Bitcoin during Mercury in retrograde. If this trend continues, by 2027, we’ll be eating air-wrapped creme whisps in biodegradable boxes and calling them “oatmeal.”
But this is the face of modern economics, isn’t it? Fewer goods, more cost, and enough red tape to mummify a congressman. If economists really want to explain tariffs, just hand someone a pre-2020 snack cake and a 2025 one. Boom. Lesson learned. No charts needed. Just sugar, sorrow, and the scent of betrayal.
Anyway, I’ll be launching a GoFundMe to adopt the remaining full-sized cookies from the endangered snack species list. Stay strong, America. But most importantly, stay crunchy, if you can still afford to.
Terry
“Economist by heartbreak, cookie lover by destiny”
https://www.uniteddisabilities.com
https://www.equaltechinnovations.com
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